Jews and their Brevity… The Talmud Continues

I’m in Ben Guryon Airport, and I’m freaking tired. Got about two hours of sleep last night, and haven’t slept since. I guess that’ll be good for my almost 28 hours of flying and airport time, but right now I’m struggling. Today was a ridiculous day for me… at 10am, I walked to the bank to make my final rent payment, and I didn’t return home until almost 8pm.

“What did you do, Matthew???” you’re all wondering. Well I’ll tell you, interested readers. First, I took the bus out to Kfar Saba to meet up with Ayala and her mother for lunch.

Eliran, the Porno King

We ate Indian food at the same Indian restaurant Ayala took me to on that very first night that I was in Israel, almost 5 months ago, and they gave me a bunch of Israeli music, which was totally awesome. Then they dropped me at the bus stop and I hopped on another one over to Herzliyah to see Hen and his mom and brother, but Mama Guron wasn’t coming back from work til around 5, and it was only 245, so we just hung out and talked about Gaza and listened to music. I didn’t leave there til about 6:30, and the traffic getting back took the bus almost an hour just to get me to Rabin Square, which was another 15 minute walk to my apartment.

It was my first time back to Herzliyah, to Hen’s apartment, since I moved out of there in August, and it really wasn’t until I was in there that I realized how much I’ve changed since the start of my journey here. I don’t know if it was because it smelled like winter instead of summer, or because I could see myself on Skype that third morning before I had any idea what kind of trip this would be, or because I could finally really talk to Hen’s mom and little brother… but so much has happened in these 5 months. Ayala’s house and horseback riding, Hen’s house, drunken Bingo, Hadas’ house, the crappy hostel, heavy metal bars with Hadas, the good hostel, absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing here, USC-Ohio St.,

Hen and Mama Guron

 the mini-mall, discovering an apartment by the grace of GOD, Paul McCartney with Galia, Rosh Hashanah with Hadas’s whole family, Rosh Hashanah rave after-party, Ulpan class #1, Yom Kippur on the empty streets, the new apartment, Ulpan class #2, Sukkot, Ayala’s early return from Central America, the election, Mom’s visit, a trip to Sderot, Thanksgiving with Canadians and without Thanksgiving, Dad’s visit, almost getting stuck in Jordan, Lauren’s Bat Mitzvah at the Western Wall, Hannukah with Ayala’s entire family, Emily’s visit, Libby’s friends with us and Hannukah on the beach, Israel entering Gaza, yelling at a cab driver in Hebrew, New Years in my favorite little coffee shop with my favorite little sister, and today… it’s been an adventure for sure.

I’m excited to be returning home, although I honestly did not know until it dawned on me this afternoon that it is a different me that is returning home than that left bewildered in August. And I’m sure that in another week, I’ll miss the felafel and the hebrew and the city and the wonderful state of Israel. But what can you do?

Last night after I saw Hadas’ mom, I hung out with Hadas’ friend Eliran, who I’ve gotten to hang out with a bunch since I got here. We went to a bar and talked about the US and Israel and his dream of coming to America to make fun of people who think homecoming’s a big deal. Good guy.

Anyway, I know you all tuned in to learn more about the talmud, so without further ado, here are the final six lessons of…

10 Talmudic Teachings from my Time in Torah Town

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The Israel Palestinian Conflict Is, To Everyone’s Surprise, Complicated— A child is a child is a child. Seeing kids in Gaza bloodied up by the war

New Years with The Kid

down there is heartbreaking, just as it’s heartbreaking to know that kids in kindergarten in Ashkelon and Sderot have to run into the halls three times a day to duck and cover. Both groups of people have justifiable claims to the land, and no matter what side you’re on, there is nobody that hasn’t been haunted by the occasional doubt that their side is in the right. I can’t say I haven’t ever thought that maybe the Palestinians were in the right, even if those moments are fleeting.

In the current conflict, I encourage everyone to distinguish between the moral argument and the strategic argument. It is possible for this incursion to be both justified and a horrible idea at the same time. If there’s a bee’s nest in your back yard and you want to get rid of it, one possible solution is to take a baseball bat and try to knock the thing out of the yard, and you have every right to do it, especially if the bees continue to sting you and your sweet dogs. But does that mean that swinging a baseball bat at a beehive is a good idea? Um, no. And the truth is, unless you hit that thing with unbelievable force and in the most perfect possible way so that the swing kills every bee inside or sends the hive soaring into your old grumpy neighbor’s yard, hitting that hive is actually going to infuriate the bees and leave you in a worse situation than you were in before. So yeah, you have the right to hit the beehive after those bees continue to sting you, but choosing that method is not very bright.

Dude… i did not realize how perfect that metaphor was until I finished it. I’m currently brushing dirt off my shoulders.

After 8 years of rockets targeting children and the sick, civilians whose only crime is living in the sovereign state of Israel, I think it is ludicrous to argue that Israel hasn’t the right to go in with overwhelming force, especially if they’re targeting Hamas military targets. Yes, there will be collateral damage, especially if Hamas fills these stations with women and children to use as human shields… but when civilians are targeted, there is no such thing as a disproportionate response. One civilian is worth 100000000 militants; these people have not volunteered to lay down their lives for their country. And so you may think, as I do, that there’s a solid chance that unless every single member of Hamas is eradicated (which is impossible, in my humble opinion), Israel will find herself in an even trickier position after the war than before. You may argue that Israel and Hamas did not try hard enough to work things out diplomatically, and you may think it’s a stupid or bad or tragic decision on behalf of Israeli leadership. But let us not argue over the morality of a massive military incursion that specifically targets the militants who target Israeli civilians.

Like I said, it’s complicated. It has always been, and will always be, very complicated. But every day is a new day.

Mama Kerekesh, Ayala, Matthew

Interrupting People Can Be a Sign of Affection (If You Do It Right)— I was standing with Hen at the ATM today when he turned to me and said, “what the hell are you doing?” I was confused. “What do you mean?” “Dude, you don’t need to stand ten meters away.” Aside from wondering how far 10 meters is, I found myself musing over the fact that Americans stand really far from each other at the ATM. Hen asked me, “What, am I supposed to worry you’ll se my password? Then what will you do with it? Americans are strange. Isn’t it true that in the United States, people don’t join your conversations??”

When you come to Israel, the first thing that will strike you as an American is how rude everyone is. They have no patience, they don’t stand in lines, they yell at each other, and they butt into conversations they have nothing to do with. But when you start to understand the language, and after you live here for a while, you find that all of these communal characteristics bind the people together as a cohesive population of impatient, petulant, argumentative, nosy people. It’s almost affectionate when someone leans into your conversation to tell you about his experience, or when the old woman in the store yells at you. In fact, what usually happens is that they yell at each other until they’re both smiling and shrugging their shoulders. The only thing that would make the scene more idyllic would be if they then hugged and skipped off into the sunset. And sometimes that happens.

I Do Not Like French People— I am sorry, but France, your language sounds dumb. Your people smell funky. I haven’t met more than 2 french people who don’t walk around like they’re better than everyone else, and I’ve met a lot of sucky french people. And dammit, if you’re gonna act all superior, at least be more attractive than we are… at least contribute something to the world order… I’d even settle on you having truly great cuisine. But the Italians just crush you on the European food front, and I continue to struggle to understand why anyone likes you.

You Can Translate Facebook to Hebrew— In September, I did this. I changed Facebook to its Hebrew translation, and even though the whole right to left thing totally mucks everything up, it helped me with my learning. Have yall looked at how many languages that site can be translated into? Take a minute and do that… you’ll be blown away.

Most of you have heard me give the speech before, but it’s not just about Israel. I think it wouldn’t hurt us all to remember, in the back of our minds, that all over the world people use Facebook. Teenagers text message each other. Yo’mama jokes are the big thing here. People go see the new Jim Carrey movie in the movie theater on Friday night in Netanya the same way as people in Nebraska (if there are movie theaters in Nebraska). It’s easy to feel removed from people around the world when you see them on TV or hear about them on CNN or read about them in a newspaper. But these are real people, not just in the sense that they eat and breathe and sleep, but in the sense that they have crushes and best friends and hobbies. It’s not what we are, but what we enjoy that ties us all together, and I think it’s pretty remarkable that there are links like that around the globe.

Coffeeshop Culture is Rad— It’s a bummer we don’t do this. People do this in Argentina and Chile, all over Europe, and here in Israel too. In fact, I think all of the western world does this, but we’re total Debbie Downers, and we just work for the weekends and suck. There were days I’d go sit with a friend at the coffee house near my apartment for hours, just drinking coffee and relaxing. Some days i went by myself… I’d read, eat a croissant, drink a bunch of coffee, talk with the waiters, and play with the dogs whose owners stopped to talk to their friends who were also chilling at coffeehouses.

It kind of goes back to the ATM thing. Israeli’s really feel like they’re part of a huge family, and it’s actually really cool once you start seeing inside of it. Yall who’ve been here don’t know because you only speaka da english, but once you start speaking hebrew, it’s like a switch goes off in their heads, and all of a sudden you’re the nephew they never knew they had. Or sometimes the son they never knew came out of that one night stand a few decades ago.

Everyone Should Visit This Country Once— I think this is an appropriate last lesson. This country is the center of human history in a lot of ways, and the fundamental conflict here is over the origin of Western civilization. Jerusalem is several cities built one on top of the other since a thousand years before Jesus or something like that. If you want to understand human conflict, heritage, tradition, religion, spirituality, community, our origins… this is the country.  You don’t have to be Jewish… in fact, you don’t have to be Christian or Muslim either… we take ‘em all here.

What you’ll find at the end of your trip is that even the hardcore right-wing people here want one thing more than anything else, and that is a safe and peaceful place for their children and grandchildren to live quietly and prosperously. That’s all anyone wants… some things are universal, across civilizations and across eras and across land and sea.

If you do decide to visit, let me know. I would love to jump into your suitcase and tag along. Thanks to all of you for reading these last 5 months, and I can’t wait to see yall again.

.תודה על הכול… זה היה ניסיון מדהים בישבילי, ואני לעולם לא אשכוח את זה

Teaching the Talmud

It’s Monday night. My bags are all packed. I headed over to Hadas’ house this evening to give her mom a present for letting me sleep there for 2 weeks, 4 months ago. It’s unreal that I’ve been here this long… Friday will mark exactly five months since I walked into LAX, by which time I will be sorting through stuff in my new apartment in LA.

I got here on August 11th at the crack of dawn, and meandered through the holy land, from friend’s house to friend’s house, until I settled in a hostel toward the end of the month. I started Hebrew classes the first week of September, 16 hours a week, and by mid-October was bumped up a level and down to 12 hours a week… took classes until the second week of December. Three months of classes.

I moved into my apartment, that I found by the grace of God and some Austrian dude, on the 27th of September, and then the Hebrew onslaught began. I read Hebrew newspapers as often as I could stand it. I started reading Harry Potter 6 in Hebrew, though I have yet to finish it. I watched Israeli tv shows and movies. I listened to the radio. I forced my friends, and waiters and waitresses and shopkeepers and janitors and bus drivers, to speak to me only in Hebrew, even though I knew it annoyed the bujeezus out of them. And every day I got better.

Last week when Emily was here, we were stuck in Zichron Ya’akov, outside of Bin Yamina, in the north. I called a taxi service, and they told me to wait outside for ten minutes. After several phone calls and almost an HOUR waiting for the cab, he finally showed up, and because we were tired and cold and soaked from the rain, I let him have it. He and I argued about why their taxi company sucked for the entire ride back to the train station, and when I got out of the cab, I couldn’t help but grin.

Ever since I started learning Hebrew, I knew I wouldn’t really be able to tell people “Yeah I speak hebrew” until I could argue with an angry Israeli. They’re known for being impatient, angry, and belligerent… and if you can’t fight ‘em, you can’t speak the language.

I can speak the language.

Anyway, a couple posts ago I mentioned that we were going to do Talmudic Teachings… I didn’t exactly mean that. Though I have become exceptionally religious, wearing tallit and a yarmulke under my sweater and black top-hat, with a full beard and pais growing on my beautiful Jewish face, I’m thinking me and The Big Guy (you’re welcome dad) upstairs can have those conversations. What I really meant was that I have a new special segment, my final special segment, which I’m thinking I’ll divide between today and tomorrow. It’s called 10 Talmudic Teachings from my Time in the Torah Town, mainly because I enjoy alliteration… there are ten big lessons I’ve taken away from the trip, four of which I’ll hit you with tonight, six for which you’ll have to wait a titillating 16 hours. Also, notice the way I avoided the end-of-sentence preposition there… still got it.

So here we go.

10 Talmudic Teachings from my Time in Torah Town

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M16s Are Scary, But Crazy Awesome— You guys may not all realize it, but think about this: every single Israeli over the age of 18 knows how to work an M16. I was talking to Hen at the bar the other night, asked him if he thought he’d be called up for the Gaza mission and what he thought about it. He said, “Yeah, I think I’ll get called up when they send in the tanks.” Then he added, “I’m excited. My life is boring right now. I go to work, I come home. Going into Gaza in a tank is fun.”

I think one of the reasons that Taglit-Birthright Israel is so important is that it’s a way to show Jewish kids the ethnic identity that comes with their “religion.” Being Jewish has less to do with the yarmulke and the torah and the maccabees and the passover seder, and more to do with the fact that we’ve been persecuted and enslaved and chased out of every land we’ve ever inhabited simply because of our heritage, but we’ve survived. I’m not religious, at all, but how can a guy born to Jewish parents, the grandson of Jewish grandparents, a member of the Jewish people not feel a sense of pride to know that for the last 3000 years, we’ve survived, and today the Jewish people trains an army of its own to ensure that our people will not suffer another holocaust?

When I was here for Birthright, we were told that the IDF has participated in rescue and military operations all over the world, in South America and Africa and Europe, to save persecuted Jewish people. They’re not the army of a country, they’re an army of a nation. Eliran said to me tonight, “You are not born Christian. If you’re Christian, it’s because you pray to Jesus, you believe certain things, it’s a decision. If your mother is Jewish, you are Jewish… it’s in your body and in your soul, even if you don’t end up believing in anything. No matter what you do, you’re Jewish. It’s as true as being American or being white or being male.”

I think I’ve said this before, but I believe it now more than ever before: because the US is a Christian nation, the Jewish identity is measured on the Christian scale. In other words, when someone asks if you’re Jewish, they are asking about your faith, not about your heritage. But Israel provides a secular identity for Jews. I personally do not believe in God, I do not go to temple, I do not pray… I am absolutely secular. And in the United States, it’s hard to tell people I’m Jewish because saying that automatically translates in the American mind to something I’m just not. But here there’s no question. I have an army to protect me.

American Currency Bites, But George Washington is Good Looking— Dude, our currency is silly. First of all, it’s made out of cotton or something, which is really dumb. Second, it all looks exactly the same: same colors, same shapes… the only things that are noticeably different at first glance are the numbers and the faces, and all those crusty old white presidents look the same (though I can’t wait til they release the $12 bill with Obama’s greenblack face on it). And is there another country that has currency as small and meaningless as the penny? I would even go as far as to argue that the nickel and dime are dumb too.

I’ll admit that the word “Shekel” sounds wrong… i think it sounds a lot like schmeckle, which is the lovely yiddish word for penis… yes, dollar has a better ring to it. But the 20 shekel bill is awesome; it’s essentially made of plastic, can’t be wrinkled and can’t be torn. Can’t really be counterfeited either, since it’s made of some crazyass synthetic material. And the bills are all different color schemes, so you can tell exactly which bill is which without really examining anything. And the smallest coin is a 10 cent coin, but it’s really uncommon. They round everything because there’s no tiny coinage, and the most common coins are 1 shekel coins. The 10 shekel coin is a silver circle with a gold circle in the middle… and the 10, 5, and 1 shekel coins are all meaty. They’re substantial. You’re not just holding wisps of air.

But I will say, about those crusty old white presidents… our forefathers (besides Lincoln) are much better looking dudes than the guys on this money. Especially Tom Jefferson. Stud.

There Are Two Americas (Though One is Admittedly More Jewy)—  So this is a lesson you can’t learn in a week here, or even a month here. I think you need to know the people and the language and stuff like that before you can really notice a thing like this. But I’ve been here forEVER, so I’ve learned something I never would have expected, and that is that the American melting pot is not uniquely American.

I was on the bus earlier this week, minding my own business, when a woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked me in Hebrew if I knew the best way to get to a street here in Tel Aviv. We talked for about a minute and then went our separate ways, and it didn’t dawn on me until I was walking into my apartment that I had been struggling to understand her not because my hebrew was bad, but because she had a strong accent; she was a Chinese woman, and her accent made her Hebrew difficult to sort through.

We’ve gotten used to the idea of Latinos, African Americans, and Asians speaking English all over America. But here in Israel, it really surprises me every time I hear someone from Peru, Japan, or Sudan speaking Hebrew. You’d think it was weird too… but it’s really cool. This country is a total melting pot; because it was founded after a holocaust, they have a pretty open door policy for immigrants and refugees, especially those who need to escape something at home. There are tons of Sudanese from Darfur here, Ethiopians who escaped oppression, Russians who left the Soviet Union, and Asians looking for a better life.

We’re not talking about a Middle Eastern country entangled in the throes of an ancient war… I mean, we are, but that sounds like something that Israel is not. The telecommunications technology industries here are massive, the economy booms and busts with the rest of the world; Israel is a part of the developed world, and an integral one at that. Thumbdrives, cell phone and text message technology, major breakthroughs in medical technology have all come out of this country. And yes, there are Chasidic jews in tophats asking all of the men to wrap tifilin, blessing us on the busses and spending countless hours at the Western Wall… but that’s not all that Israel is. It’s not even close. And instead of thinking of this as the Jewish state, think of it first as a Great Western state, where democracy and capitalism have blossomed as they once did in our own US of A.

Dopplegangers Are Totally Real— Have you ever heard this word? I swear, since I’ve been in Israel, I have seen the following people: Dan Birken, Ellen Schopler, Jesus, Jane Brownstone, Katie Berenbom, Jen Rossol, Sara Filliman, Avram Mandel, and probably several others I can’t even think of right now. Like, I was so sure they were those people that I had to double take. In fact, when I walked past the Dan Birken guy, I said “Hey Dan” just loud enough that if it was him, he’d have turned around. He didn’t. But Jesus really looked just like Jesus.

Okay folks, I’m exhausted, it’s 5:00am, and I’m boarding an airplane in 24 hours. I’ll drop more knowledge on yo’ asses tomorrow. Much love coming to you all from yours truly on his last night in Israel.

Enter the Dragon, Exit the Matthew

It’s Saturday night, and I’m slouched over my computer outside my favorite coffeeshop, the one where the waiters know my name, the one Emily and I were invited to for a mini-New Years party on Wednesday night. There’s Hebrew pop playing over the speakers and a nice little heater lit above me.

Yall wouldn’t believe how uncharacteristically cold it’s been here. Like… it was 45 degrees here last night; i went to get my coffee in 4 layers. Last time I wore 4 layers, I was on a mountain. And this is freakin Israel! I mean come on.

Another boring Shabbat. Woke up late, wandered over to that long lost sandwich place down near Nev’Tzedek, walked back, cleaned and finished packing my clothes… now that I’m living out of a suitcase again, I felt it appropriate to visit my minimall and grab a cup of coffee from Israel’s version of Starbucks, Aroma, the folks I used to jack internet from. I came home, watched the news, skyped with Mom and with Allison, and then bundled up and came out here.

By the way, anyone wondering about the title of this entry… the Jews have entered Gaza on the ground. This military incursion is enjoying about 80% approval, if not more, and I have to tell you that, for maybe the first time in 8 years, I am fond of the way the White House is responding to the situation out here. Asking Israel to participate in a one-sided ceasefire is ludicrous, and I appreciate the Bush Administration’s willingness to stand beside the IDF in the face of the protesters and others.

I’m safe, my friends are safe, and all is well here in Tel Aviv.

Anyway, as promised, you’re about to enjoy the third and final installment of Things That Make Me Feel Sorry for English as a 2nd Language Students, or as they call it on the streets, TTMMFSFEAASLS. Before we do that though, I think a refresher would do. I won’t offer explanations, but here’s the list so far:

Round one featured such classics as By myself, I can’t stand it, and Hold on, highlighting our unique predilection toward nonsensical or obscure direct objects. We also examined, That’s right, not to be confused with whatever is left, and Big day, which clearly demonstrates our unique ability to qualify uniform units of time with varying size adjectives. Then there was T-Shirt, which (still) nobody has explained to me, and of course the panel(of one)’s unanimous favorite, That’s what she said.

In round two, we again had problems with direct objects when we saw I am finished in the starting lineup. Take my temperature demonstrated English’s problems with verbs, and Lay lie lain lied laid showed everyone  mine. And finally, let’s not forget the vertical marching commands: Hurry up, slow down, slow up… and of course, Catch up. 

So with half a week in the Holy Land remaining, and with admittedly diminished knowledge of the English tongue, here it is, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The third and final installment of…

Things That Make Me Feel Sorry for English as a 2nd Language Students!

Pay attention: If you think really hard about the logic of this, it actually does make some sense. The whole idea is that you owe someone your attention, and when you owe someone something, the appropriate response is to pay them that something. But when you owe me a favor, I’d never say, “Pay favor!” and when you owe me an explanation, it’s rare that I say, “Pay explanation!” And it’s weird that it’s a command. Like, we can pay our respects, but we don’t pay our attention. The whole thing gives me a headache.

Lack of verb forms. Seriously, guys, think of another language with as few patterns as ours. In spanish, there are -ar, -er, and -ir verbs, and you conjugate based on who you’re talking about or to. In Hebrew, there are Po’al, Pi’el, Haf’il, hitpa’el, pu’al, huf’al, and hif’ael. All of the verbs fit into one of these categories, just like in Spanish and, like, every language. But English? To run, to dance, to lick, to sing, to count, to speak, to dream, to think, to focus, to point, to choose… and we don’t really have future or past tenses. We’re crazy man.

Pardon my french may be slang, may not. I don’t know where it falls. But I assure you that the big f and other funsies are not french. I’ve heard french people cuss, and believe me, they sound nothing like that.

Just just. I have no problem with words that sound the same but mean different things. If you can’t figure that out, it’s not because English is so hard, it’s because you’re dumb. But two words that sound the same, look the same, but mean completely different things… that’s tough. And when it’s possible to use one as the other’s adverb… well that just makes brains explode. “Your honor, it’s not a question of wants or needs; what we’re asking from you is just just,” says the lawyer. She looks to the jury and says quietly, “All I’m saying is, we can’t send him to jail for such a slight slight.”

Let’s split up. There we go again with those stupid vertical prepositions. I’m cool with “let’s split our single group into multiple groups” and I have no problem with “let us divide.” But split up makes no more sense than split down or split out or split around. And prepositions are never supposed to end sentences. Thank you Mrs. Caldwell, and again, I’m sorry I didn’t seem to know that before ninth grade. 

Somewhat. Woah, look at you Webster. You think you’re all that just because you can combine an adjective and an interrogative pronoun and magically create an adverb? A little “two plus pajama equals marshmallow” action? Well I got news for you: I’ll take you manywhere, severalhow.

Actually. I didn’t realize how strange it is that we use this word until I tried to use it in hebrew. The translation for actually is האמת היא, which literally means “The truth is,” and if you really think about what “actually” means, it “actually” means “the actual truth is…” So when I say, “I’d like a cup of water. Oh, actually I’d like a hot dog,” what I’m essentially telling my very, very confused waiter is that I pulled a fast one on her. “I’d like a cup of water… wait did you believe me?? Gotcha!! The true story is that I would really like a hot dog… wait for it… no seriously, get me a hot dog.”

And here are some runners-up: Do you all realize that it is possible to tune in, tune out, and tune up? I think that’s pretty gnarly too. Additionally, one can turn up after six months, turn down a job offer, turn around their rotten life, turn over a new leaf, and turn in a term paper, but it’s pretty rare to turn beyond, behind, beneath or between. Prepositions are totally awesome.

And so, my friends, this concludes the final installment of Things That Make Me Feel Sorry for English as a 2nd Language Students. With that, I will return to the apartment and get my beauty rest. Kisses from torah town.

Shabbat Shalom, Folks

Last Friday in Israel. I’ll tell you, I won’t miss the whole “can’t get anywhere or do anything cause it’s friday afternoon or saturday” thing.

Information I received from a friend in the Jewish Agency:

Since the operation began on Saturday (through Thursday night):

• a total of 524 rockets landed in Israel,
• 4 Israeli citizen were killed,
• 68 injured, and
• 400 people suffered from trauma.
• 15 Iranian-made Katyusha rockets landed in Beer Sheva (population 185,000) – 6^th largest city in Israel           
• 10 in Katyushas in Ashdod (pop. 203,000) – 5^th largest city in Israel
• 23 in Ashkelon (pop. 120,000) (this includes 7 fired today)
• Today (Friday): 90 truckloads, mainly of medicine and medical supplies, entered Gaza for a total of nearly 500(!) truckloads this week!
• Relief agencies are not asking for anymore food to be brought in because… their warehouses in Gaza are full!
• Today: 30 rockets were launched towards Israel; 3 citizens were injured in Ashkelon

If you get a chance, also check out this editorial by Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.

Some things to look forward to: tomorrow I’ll post my final “Things that Make me Feel Sorry for English as a Second Language Students,” which is always mentally stimulating I’m sure. And on Sunday, keep your eyes peeled for “The Israel Retrospective: 10 Talmudic Sermons,” which will be very Jewy and indubitably fascinating. Really though.

I did all my laundry today and packed some. Cleaned the apartment a bit. I’m planning on hitting up the kitchen, bathroom, and toilet room Tomorrow and Sunday, I’m trying to leave this place clean and footprint-less. Then on Monday afternoon, I’m going out to Holon to give Hadas’ mom a little gift and say peace out.

Aright homies, I’m going to sleep. Much love from the sovereign state of Israel, which does, indeed, exist.

Bow Down– I’m a Trojan

You know what the best thing about being a Trojan is? “Granddaddy of Them All” is a synonym for “USC Victory Lap.”

Also, on a related note… I’ve learned from watching ESPN international that there are such things as Lumberjilling and Rock Paper Scissors Championships. Lumberjilling consists of enormous women with thundering thighs and smokestack arms sawing through trees and living in Wisconsin. Rock Paper Scissors is pretty self explanatory… but I think you’ll find it useful to know that the competitors duel in a boxing ring.

Emily’s stay here was great, we had a really fun time. I got to see some parts of Israel I hadn’t yet seen, like Zichron Yaakov in the north and the Palmach Museum close to Tel Aviv U… both places I’d recommend to anyone planning to visit.

Just now Herbstreit said of Taylor Mays, “Are you allowed to look that good in a uniform??” Which I thought was kind of fruity. Right?

Emily’s trip from the states to Israel was a disaster… a 10 hour delay in Chicago had her missing her connection in Madrid, and she got in 15 hours later than she was supposed to. So last night we hit a couple bars, and Emily was nervous about being juiced on the long trip back, considering her old bad luck, so I helped her finish her drinks and stuff…

Matthew was prettttty hammy. Like… totally on top of his game and stuff… but hammy. Sorry grandma.

Anyway, I have a few more entries to post. Rereading this post as I go, I’m discovering that I really have lost my ability to entertain in these things. I think that I’m just exhausted… it’s time to come home. But I’m going to muster up my strength. I’d like to wrap up the trip with some good’ns, so don’t abandon me just yet… 5 days left in Israel, tons to do, and a lot to think about. Much love to all, and Fight On.